Replacing the Automatic How are You with a Real Feeling Gauge
We always tend to run on automatic. As we meet up with a person the automatic thing we ask is, ”How are you?”
We rarely truly internalize the response before we respond with fine. And in return we ask the same question back. And the other person on automatic responds ok or some variant.
This moment of connectedness is forever lost.
This morning I heard of a better way that was shared by Jerry Collona on an old Hello Monday podcast. Jerry recommended that we ask the person to share the color they are feeling.
This could be done instead of the usual hello or even as a start of a team meeting. Especially for a team meeting that is remote. Often many people in these meetings have their cameras off. Without a camera that would visibly give us a glimpse into the other person’s posture and state, we just robot through the agenda.
So what does this look like?
Instead of saying How are you doing we ask the other person in what color range they are feeling?
Are they feeling GREEN?
GREEN is a go state. It signifies that we are not constrained by anything or anyone from engaging. We are free of any conflict at the moment and can fully be present.
Are they feeling YELLLOW?
YELLOW is the in-between state. Maybe something minor has happened that is slightly affecting their mood? Maybe their partner said something about X that they are still reflecting upon. They are there but slightly distant. If engaged properly they could possibly be moved to GREEN.
Are they RED?
To be RED means you are internally on fire. You are in a negative state. Maybe life threw you a major curve and you are trying to hold the human crucible together? You are in mental and maybe physical pain that takes you focus from here to there.
This idea is powerful. We are not psychoanalysts BUT we can all pause and acknowledge that when someone is feeling RED we might need to give them some forgiveness, patience, and understanding.
These colors are not intended to be used as weapons. If we are in RED state, we are not broken as a person BUT feeling human. That is what connects us and makes us trust each other.
There are many touchy feely words that become vogue today. I even use them often BUT they create unrealistic standards. Am I being too venerable? Am I authentic? Am I resilient?
The color question indicated the whole of the person. What their world looks like to them. They are still responsible to hold the container of you together BUT if trusted we can offer to help if needed. Sometimes just acknowledging their YELLOWNESS or REDNESS is enough.
As an artist I realize that there are many more colors in our life toolbox of feelings. BUT moving from automatic to just three can be a game changer for most people and teams. SO if you want to be ORANGE go for it. If you want to be royal PURPLE…
We are all spirits having a human experience. Let us make the human experience less painful and more supportive.
My four cents…
